Psalm 11:4-5
"The Lord is in His holy temple; the Lord's throne is in heaven, His eyes behold; His eyelids test and prove the children of men. The Lord tests and proves the unyieldingly righteous, but His soul abhors the wicked and him who loves violence."
Have you ever felt like the inspiration for the song, "You and Me Against the World?" Let's take it one step further. Ever felt like there was no "you and me" about it ... it was just you against the world? Most of us have been there. If you, like me, are a person of faith, we know that we are never TRULY alone because God is always with us. But what about those times when it seems that even God has disappeared? I don't mean for a few hours or a few days. I'm talking months or years on end. Before anyone leaves a comment that God would never do that to His children, let me assure you that He has, does, and many of us have the canceled ticket to prove we've been on that ride.
If you find you are currently experiencing the aforementioned and can't for the life of you figure out where God has gone - or why He has abandoned you when He solemnly promised He would never leave us or forsake us - take comfort in the above scripture verses.
When I first read these verses I thought to myself, "What does that mean? How is it that God's EYELIDS test people?" It makes sense to me that the scripture declares that God's "eyes behold." He sees everything. Nothing escapes His notice. Then I realized what He was saying ... God's eyelids appear when He shuts His eyes. This will only truly make sense to someone who has cried out in their agony, "God, don't You SEE what's going on?? Don't You CARE?? Why are You letting this happen?!" When the pain has gotten to be way more than we can take, it is only made worse when all we get in response to our cries is deafening silence.
Why would a loving God do this to His own? The answer is in the same verse: "His eyelids test and prove the children of men. The Lord tests and proves the unyieldingly righteous..."
I had to ponder this. Every human being is promised trials and tribulations while they are living on this Earth. You don't have to be a person of faith for this to occur, you just have to be breathing. (It's a statement of fact from God, whether you believe in Him or not.) But there is a special testing for those who claim Christ as their Savior AND who have been faithful to walk in a manner worthy of their calling (notice I didn't say they've done everything PERFECTLY!), having held to their faith through previously difficult circumstances. These saints will be tested by God's silence. So much so that when God chooses to make His presence known again these same saints are "proven."
Steel is not steel until it's been proven. Before steel undergoes the transformation process it is iron. The simplified version of the process is this: Intense heat is applied to remove impurities. The iron is transformed into incredibly strong steel by the end of the process.
Most people are happy to be iron. They'd rather live with their impurities (after all, they're not THAT bad ... right?) than stay in the furnace long enough to be transformed into steel. It's easy to say we want more of God, but few are faithful enough to endure the full duration of the testing and proving process.
My own proving period took two and a half years. Yes, YEARS. In my anguish I said many things to God of which I'm now ashamed. I accused Him of punishing me for no apparent reason; of breaking His promise never to leave or forsake me; of not being a loving God; and worse. Yet, even in my deepest despair, I knew He was my only hope. I kept hanging on - by the thinnest thread at times! - to what I knew to be truth: "A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out. In faithfulness He will bring forth justice;" (Isaiah 42:3). As badly as I was hurting, I knew He would not let it take my life. He would rescue me in HIS due time ... which He did. Since God is no respecter of persons, He will do the same for you.
I can tell you I never thought I'd be able to say I'm thankful for going through that hell. It DID make me stronger. I was purged of impurities I didn't even know were there. It's amazing what comes to the top when a fire is lit underneath! My knowledge of the Holy One and His heart, as well as His character, is SO much greater and so much DIFFERENT than what it was. There are no words to express what God did in me during those two and a half years. I now have unshakable faith in an infinitely loving and powerful God. Now I have to work on seeing myself through His eyes.
I have a feeling that will take longer than two and a half years.
